Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Moms and Friendships...

So I took a survey for MOPS International this week that got me wondering. There were several questions about close friends: How many close friends do you have? How many close friends would you say you trust? Do you have a "safe" friend to go to?

I don't think they wanted you to count your husband, but honestly, thinking of him, I answered that first question with a "1." Sure, I have friends and acquaintances, but close friends? I don't know. Yeah, I've got friends from Orange County that I keep in touch with, but mainly via Facebook. Weekly phone calls or birthday gifts? No, nothing like that.

As for local friends, I've got the moms I know from MOPS and friends at church, but I don't often meet anyone for one-on-one time. I'm not sure why this is. Perhaps it's my introverted tendencies and the fact I never pick up the phone-- haven't done much of that since we lived in Panama 13 years ago and I got out of the habit of phone calls, due to the fact that we didn't have one!

Or is it just the nature of motherhood? Are we so busy with the lives of our families that we don't make time for deeper friendships? There are the park dates and the book clubs, sure, but I feel like I'm probably a big mystery to any of my friends here in Corvallis.

Maybe it's not the nature of motherhood, though. Maybe it just takes time. I remember that after the move to Orange County, it took about two years before I felt like I had any friends that I could call more than acquaintances. And two years later, just before we moved up to Oregon, was when I finally felt like I was getting closer to some of my mom friends.

Well, I certainly hope it isn't 3 years before I feel like I have any "close" friends and maybe it's just me that feels this way. In the interest of being a "mom without a mask" I felt like I should at least share my thoughts and ask if any other moms feel the same...


  1. I feel exactly the same way. Lots of fun little visits with other women...very few real deep friendships.

  2. Oh, this makes me sad. I crave close relationships and find that I need them. I have historical friends who are very close, historical in that we share such a huge past that no matter how much time goes between visits we always pick up right where we left off. These are very deep relationships for me and very real even though I don't get to see them everyday.

    I almost feel like motherhood has facilitate relationships for me because I always try and organize connections for my kids.

    But I agree, that motherhood makes one-on-one visits rare.

    I'm all about girl weekends. I have a group of 8 college friends who I'm committed to seeing without kids, although we do include the kids sometimes.

    We always spend one weekend each year at the beach together. I have had to take each one of my boys to the annual event when I was nursing, but these moments are very good for my soul.

    As for book group....let's stay committed. In Newberg I had a book group and after a year or so I felt a very deep friendship with those gals.

  3. The close mom friends I made were those in my babysitting co-op. That's where we take turns to watch our kids using a point system, so that every moms gets a break now and then. Over time, I got to know the moms and families in my co-op. Looking back, it was a real investment of time and effort, but you don't really feel it, because it's all part of the routine babysitting you do as a mom. There's even a new website now that makes it easier to run a babysitting co-op - I'm trying to get our co-op to use it, to save on paperwork.